Author Topic: Being British  (Read 2835 times)

Offline goldencup

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Being British
« on: June 27, 2006, 09:19:41 am »

I expect lots of people have seen this before but I liked it and thought it was vaguely topical at the moment.


Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV 

And the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign. 

Oh and...... Only in Britain ... can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance. 

Only in Britain ... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way
to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries
and a DIET coke. 

Only in Britain ... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens
to the counters. 

Only in Britain ... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. 

Only in Britain ... do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 

Only in Britain ... are there disabled parking places in front of a
skating rink. 

NOT TO MENTION... 

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 

142 Brits were injured in 2005 by not removing all pins from new
shirts. 

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers. 

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in. 

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate. 

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker
pulling accidents. 

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet. 

18 Brits had serious burns in 2005 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth. 

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control
Scalextric cars. 

and finally......... 

In 2005 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the
toilet.

Cantankerous Old Crone

Offline Jamsi

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Being British
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2006, 02:29:34 pm »


Offline Jules Grimm

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Being British
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2006, 05:00:57 pm »
hehehe - brilliant

Offline oldspice

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Being British
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2006, 07:31:29 pm »

I have seen this before but it is a great reminder of some of the contradictions and eccentricities of being British.

Old but spicey!

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Being British
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2006, 08:09:23 pm »

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Being British
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2006, 11:30:59 pm »

I am not proud to be British.  Far too many of us are Sun reading, lager drinking, union jack short wearing oiks who think it's OK to write apostrophes before every es. 



Offline oldspice

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« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2006, 08:01:21 am »

"Far too many of us are Sun reading, lager drinking, union jack short wearing oiks who think it's OK to write apostrophes before every es."


If you're not happy with your life Bounty, you can always change. We'll help you.

Old but spicey!

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Being British
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2006, 08:21:56 am »

Ho ho ho, my sides have split!


Offline loulou

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« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2006, 09:09:18 am »
 Needle And Thread 





A power-crazy bitch who lives in a fantasy world

Offline smurfboy

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« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2006, 01:09:47 pm »
Quote from: bounty hunter

I am not proud to be British.  Far too many of us are Sun reading, lager drinking, union jack short wearing oiks who think it's OK to write apostrophes before every es. 




The actions of a few are not a reason to give up your national pride.

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Being British
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2006, 01:18:35 pm »

I feel that my country is an accident of birth. I enjoy the geography of The Lake district, upland Wales and Northern Scotland but I cannot admit any affinity with its people or government.  I love its birds and its foxes but I don't like the dog mess on my streets. 


On a similar subject when will we get a proper national anthem?  How can I feel proud when I hear God save the Queen?  Change it to Jerusalem and I might change my mind.


Offline smurfboy

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« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2006, 02:12:58 pm »
Yes, I always think a hymn named after a Middle Eastern city is the ideal choice for the British national anthem...
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Offline Cherry_Ripe

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« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2006, 03:52:47 pm »
Why at the Commonwealth Games (when we were competing as England) did we have "Land of Hope & Glory" as our anthem but at the World Cup (where we are also competing as England) we have "God Save the Queen"?

Offline oldspice

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« Reply #13 on: June 28, 2006, 05:59:48 pm »
I think it stinks that we have a national anthem that celebrates only one person in the nation. However, I would object strongly to Land of Hope and Glory as it is too colonial.
Old but spicey!

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Being British
« Reply #14 on: June 28, 2006, 07:43:08 pm »

Quote from: smurfboy
Yes, I always think a hymn named after a Middle Eastern city is the ideal choice for the British national anthem...


It's not about the city it's about our (or at least my) saviour Jesus Christ.  Whether or not he ever came to the UK, it should be our national anthem.  IMO