By popular demand (well, Lou and Strolling Minstrel), a new installment:
'Therefore if anyone knows of any reason why these two people should not be joined in matrimony, speak now, or forever hold your peace'.
Rupert and Jocasta smiled nervously at one another, the anticipation and intensity of the moment threatening to overwhelm them. A million thoughts overran their minds. Were they finally free from the ghosts of their pasts? Or would their voices suddenly pierce the silence and haunt the rafters of this 16th Century church?
The vicar's smile had barely appeared on his lips when the shrill scream shattered the peace. As if in slow motion, all heads turned towards the source of the sound - the 'noooo!' that shook the stained glass windows, and the hearts of the bride and groom.
'Mum?' gasped Jocasta in disbelief. 'Mum, what are you doing?'
'She promised!' hissed Emilia, her eyes wild with passionate rage. 'She PROMISED!'
'Madam, please!', began the vicar, 'may I remind you...'
'I told you I was wearing coral!' Emilia screeched at her sister. 'You swore on our mother's grave you wouldn't wear coral! You lying, evil...'
'Emilia no, it's not what you think!' cried Bettina. 'I asked the girl in Madame Alexandra's - it's papaya!'
'Papaya? PAPAYA?' Emilia spat the words out like poison. 'You must think I'm a fool! You just wanted to upstage me! You're jealous, jealous because your daughter's more interested in munching muff than getting married!'
'PLEASE!' shouted the vicar. 'May I remind you this is a house of God! Not to mention the happiest day of your daughter's life'.
Emilia stared at Jocasta's stricken face. 'Oh darling', she cried, holding back tears. 'I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry!'
'Right', said the vicar. 'Perhaps now I can continue'. The awed silence descended once more. 'In any case', he murmured, 'if that's papaya I'm bloody Jewish. It's shrimp if ever I saw it...'
