'Giles! At last, I thought you were never going to make it! You know the cars will be here soon'.
'Calm down old boy', laughed Giles, pressing Rupert to his brawny rugby player frame in a manly bear-hug. 'I'm the best man, I do the worrying for you. Now, down to the serious business - what are the bridesmaids like? Any decent totty?'
Rupert abruptly broke away from his lifelong friend, now regarding him with a steely countenance. 'Giles, I'm appalled. How can you be so sexist? Jocasta's bridesmaids are intelligent women, they deserve far more than to be treated as mere sex objects! They are her sisters, her cousins, her dear friends. Any knock at them is a knock at my beautiful bride to be, and therefore a knock at me. And in front of my grandmother too! Quite frankly I'm ashamed'.
Giles stared at the intricate pattern on the Persian rug, hiding the blushes Rupert's words had caused. 'I'm so sorry Mrs Ellsworth-Smythe', he said, turning his gaze to the matriarch. 'I'd forgotten there were ladies present. Will you forgive a foolish young man his disrespect?'
'Of course Giles dear', smiled Eleanor, as impeccably polite as ever. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I must powder my nose before the cars arrive'. She discreetly left the room with all the dignity her frailty would allow.
'Right, that's the old biddy out the way', said Rupert. 'Now, these bridesmaids. Jocasta's sister Serafina, she's a bit of a goer by all accounts, and as for her cousin Livinia, well put it this way - she never had a pet parrot, but she's had a cockatoo. Cousin Olivia isn't a bad bit of totty, but I've got my suspicions she drinks from the furry cup. Now her friend Phyllidia! She's definitely worth keeping an eye on, especially once she's had a glass of plonk. But watch out for Clamydia'.
'Which one's she, another cousin? Bit of a minx eh?' Giles laughed from the heart of his strong chest.
'Oh, never mind... just make sure Percy puts his pink anorak on', sighed Rupert. 'Now come on, let's have a whisky, I'm sh*tting a brick'.
