Author Topic: Jokes (Read 3746 times)

loulou · « **Reply #15 on:** September 06, 2007, 09:22:24 am »

I'm a bit slow this morning. Read wjp's joke three times before I understood. loulou2007-09-06 08:22:43

wjp666 · « **Reply #16 on:** September 07, 2007, 02:07:35 pm »

A man and his son walk into an ice cream parlor. The man orders a vanilla cone, looks at his son, slaps him on the back of the head and asks, "What do you want, Fathead?"

The guy at the counter is appalled. He questions the man on his actions, to which the man replies, "There are three things a man wants in life: 1. A big truck. You see that truck out there? Biggest damn truck in town; 2. A nice house. I got the nicest house in the county; and 3) A tight woman. Had me one of those too, until Fathead here came along..." wjp6662007-09-07 13:08:06

naxos · « **Reply #17 on:** September 08, 2007, 04:33:29 pm »

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker. "10" replies the Essex girl. "10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne." "Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in
the street I just have to shout WAAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the Essex girl "I just use their surnames."

loulou · « **Reply #18 on:** September 08, 2007, 07:39:02 pm »

smurfboy · « **Reply #19 on:** September 15, 2007, 11:44:57 am »

A man goes into the newsagents and says 'I'd like a Boost, a Twirl and a Topic'.

The girl behind the counter says 'You've got lovely eyes', spins round, and says 'Iraq war - right or wrong?'

loulou · « **Reply #20 on:** November 23, 2007, 10:32:12 am »

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband; but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."

loulou · « **Reply #21 on:** December 16, 2007, 12:02:59 pm »

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?

Jingle smells

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

smurfboy · « **Reply #22 on:** December 17, 2007, 01:53:32 pm »

What's Amy Winehouse's favourite tube station?

High Barnet.

wjp666 · « **Reply #23 on:** December 19, 2007, 03:33:02 pm »

Quote from: loulou

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?

Jingle smells

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

hitting the christmas crackers a little early, aren't we?

goldencup · « **Reply #24 on:** January 10, 2008, 10:34:55 pm »

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the
most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the
second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her
cell phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had
just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that
she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was
leaving what was shaping up to be her best shopping day ever. She
decided to get in a couple more shops before heading to the hospital and
she ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a
cup of coffee and a beautiful slice of coffee cake compliments of the
last shop. She was jubilant. She then remembered her husband. Feeling
guilty, she dashed to the hospital where she saw the doctor in charge and
she asked about her husband's condition.

The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished
your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself. While
you spent the past hours enjoying yourself, your husband has been
languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! But let me tell you -- it will
be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take because for
the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll be his
care giver!

The woman, bowed down by guilt and shock, broke into loud sobs.

Patting her on the shoulder the lady doctor chuckled and said, "I'm
just pulling your leg. He's dead. What did you buy?"

MayRae · « **Reply #25 on:** January 10, 2008, 11:23:20 pm »

Oh....Oh Dear.........

WHERE did you find it goldencup?

Oh I laughed until I cried...

Thanks for sharing this..

goldencup · « **Reply #26 on:** January 11, 2008, 08:00:21 am »

Somebody emailed it to my husband - can't imagine why!

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Author Topic: Jokes (Read 3746 times)