an in-depth guide, bar by bar

[calcoholic]

welcome to my guide on how i eat various types of chocolate. if there are any i miss off, just reply or send me a message or something telling me which choccys you would like me to add!

mars bars: remove wrapper. hold naked mars bar, eat top caramel layer first, then eat nougat afterwards

twix: caramel first, then biscuit

jaffa cakes: eat round the jaffa, then carefully dig your teeth under while the cake is upside down and take off the sponge. then strip away the chocolate, leaving just the 'jaffa.' now save this until last!

turkish delight: my personal fave along with jaffas. i usually eat these 'normally' but when bored, i carefully remove all the choccy and save the 'turkish' part until the end (you will learn soon that i have rediculous names for parts of choc bars.

kit kat: same as twix

kk chunky: eat the 'sticking out' bits of chocolate, then hack away at the top similar to a mars bar

terry's chocolate oranges/snowballs/etc: throw it against something so it splits, then eat the pieces from the inside, so you leave what looks like a thin 'moon' until the end. peel the pieces off so that there is a large piece left at the centre at the end.

jelly babies: off topic, but have to give them a mention. i eat the head first, followed by legs, then both arms, and the stomach, then back

leonidas pralines: as with most chocolates of this type, i eat them part by part, then suck out the innards, similar to what you'd do with a creme egg, then eat the rest of the outer shell

'easter style' chocs: things like eggs and chocolate bunnies. i play with these for a while, then eat them at breakneck speed, but stop every so often to take in the fragrance.

quality street/celebrations/etc: i have my favourites, strawberry cremes, mars/twix to name a few. but they still cant compare to turkish delights and jaffa cakes. anyway, usually, i will get out the whole box, share them out with my sister, and play a game for them, usualy cards. in the end, someone will end up with them all, and will give the other person the ones they arent to keen on. this is basically a battle for strawberry cremes as no one cares for the others! i usually eat my cremes by taking off the top and then the sides, before then eating the 'creme' itself.

wagon wheels: undisputed 'greatest lunchbox snack' ever. there is a special technique to these: first, get your teeth in between the 'ridge' at the edge, and lift away the top. then go round the outside munching the remaining chocolate. next dig the mallow away with your teeth and store it somewhere close by. now eat the biscuit. save the mallow until the end (as it's the nicest part). if you have a jam wagon wheel, scrape the mallow and jam and eat it BEFORE the biscuit, it's safer that way!

now you're probably thinking, 'FREAK' but i consider myself a perfectly normal chocaholic

[loulou]

I eat my turkish delight the same way but your way of eating jaffa cakes looks messy and complicated.

[calcoholic]

I eat my turkish delight the same way but your way of eating jaffa cakes looks messy and complicated.

 

actually it is the wagon wheels that are complicated, the jaffa method is simple once you've done it a few hundred times lol

[loulou]

ok i will practice my technique.

[one_serious_chocoholic]

KitKat chunky caramel - bite one end off, suck out all the caramel, then devour the rest! (yes, I have been watching too many Bran Stoker inspired films)

Revels; I eat all the flat, just chocolate ones first, then try to find all the soft-centres, scoff them, devour the peanut ones (spit out the hard toffee!), next the maltesers and then...the new raisins.

Twix; not a fan, so generally skip it.

Mars; eat all the chocolate off, then eat the centre!

As for the rest, kind of boring really, I just consume them! My rate of mastication is quite impressive though...

 

I eat my Jaffa cakes in a similar way.

Tunnocks tea cakes: Bite off bottom half of biscuity base.  Then carefully remove all the chocolate topping and then eat the mallow.  Finally eat remaining base.  Lovely and very very sticky.

[calcoholic]

I eat my Jaffa cakes in a similar way.

the whole reason for eating jaffa cakes like this is so you're leaving the jaffa itself until the end - i've always preferred saving the best until last. this applies with all types of chocolate too, like if i buy a mars, twix and pack of rolos' i would save the twix until the end. (and if i didn't mention rolos already, i bite the top off and then suck out the innards before eating the base)

[loulou]

I don't muck about with rolos, just shove them in usually three at a time.

You are all psychologically damaged!

1. Open product packaging.

2. Eat said product (quickly, fills you up slower)

3. Open more products.

4. Eat product.

5. Repeat until nauseous or supplies are finished.

 

[loulou]

Very good.

[one_serious_chocoholic]

  my kind of man, paulham.

[aveit101]

its the final coundown   na na na naaa na na na na na  na na naaa na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na naaaa

[TheMuffinMan]

doo doo doo do dood doohhhhh do do dooo dooooooo dum didda dum

my mastication should be shared by the nation by the way

[TheMuffinMan]

 

 calco , what safe places would you suggest to store your wagon wheel mallow while you eat the biscuit ??

 

 i tired the couch but it left a sticky patch on the suede and i cant use the carpet in case theres hair or dust , wouldnt want to waste that marvellous mallow you know , where do you store your mallow mate ?

 

 cheers

 MM

[smurfboy]

I wouldn't hold your breath for a reply - he hasn't logged in for over three years!